Let the chips fall where they may..

I wish I could do that, just let things happen. Toss the chips up in the air and let them fall, I can sure as hell do it with my belongings. I watched Fight Club for the millionth time tonight and every time I watch it I fall in love with Brad Pitt. His character's personality in that movie is amazing, I wish I was a guy so I could beat people up, I highly doubt they have fight clubs for females. I can't imagine many females want to beat others to a bloody pulp, I'm weird I guess.

Anyways, I feel really antsy, I hate not being able to control every aspect of my life. There's so much going on right now and I'm getting distracted. I always get distracted by stupid things when there's important stuff that needs to be done. I wish I had a switch that I could flip and I could automatically focus on what needs to be done. I think the term for me is.. a sucker for punishment. I keep going back for more.

"Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing. Like the first monkey shot into space"
A little quote from Fight Club, I wonder if that's true, if I wasn't in so much pain sometimes and if things did cause me to suffer, would I have nothing? Or would I be happy?

*S