I compare thee...

The week from hell is over....

Soo that means the marks have to come back from the midterms. This is the part of the process that I dread. Everyone gets their mark and they start asking everyone else what they got. Personally, I think it's stupid, if I wanted to broadcast my mark, I'd get on the radio and tell the world. But like the good sport that I am, and just for the sheer fact that I don't want to look like a complete jerk, I tell people what I've made when they ask. I hate knowing what other people get, I hate feeling inadequate and I hate hearing "OH MY GOD, I BEAT YOU". I think they should do away with grades, or something to that effect. Please?

*S

It's only effing Tuesday....

It's Tuesday... it feels like I have gone through about three weeks of my life in the last two days. I've written three midterms and I did a presentation. I'm currently working on a paper that is suppose to be a maximum of ten pages, I'm scared I won't even come close to four. It's due Thursday and I have a lab midterm on Friday. For once though, on the bright side of all this, I'm not stressed out. I don't want to pull my hair out and scream at the top of my lungs.

However, I am minorly sick of always comparing myself to other people. Comparing test marks, comparing papers, comparing looks. It has become a knife in my side, or something along those lines. I listen to people talk about how many pages they wrote for a paper, or how well they did on this test and I feel horrible, I feel like I can't keep up with anyone. With this paper that I'm currently working on, I'm just writing and hoping for the best, I'm trying my darnedest not to ask people how many pages they have or what they wrote about. Whatever happens with the paper it's my fault, no one elses, I can't be jealous or angry about someone else doing better (as long as they don't rub it in of course).

Just trying to make it to Friday, trying to reach the gold at the end of the rainbow.. that is my goal.

*S

Let the chips fall where they may..

I wish I could do that, just let things happen. Toss the chips up in the air and let them fall, I can sure as hell do it with my belongings. I watched Fight Club for the millionth time tonight and every time I watch it I fall in love with Brad Pitt. His character's personality in that movie is amazing, I wish I was a guy so I could beat people up, I highly doubt they have fight clubs for females. I can't imagine many females want to beat others to a bloody pulp, I'm weird I guess.

Anyways, I feel really antsy, I hate not being able to control every aspect of my life. There's so much going on right now and I'm getting distracted. I always get distracted by stupid things when there's important stuff that needs to be done. I wish I had a switch that I could flip and I could automatically focus on what needs to be done. I think the term for me is.. a sucker for punishment. I keep going back for more.

"Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing. Like the first monkey shot into space"
A little quote from Fight Club, I wonder if that's true, if I wasn't in so much pain sometimes and if things did cause me to suffer, would I have nothing? Or would I be happy?

*S

Waiting..

I suck at waiting, I'm probably the most impatient person in the world! To ease my pain of waiting I decided to
write a quick blog. It's midterm time and there is waayy too much to do in my life but for once, I'm not stressed out. I don't feel like pulling out my hair or crawling under my bed and hiding. I'm facing the problem head on. It's a really strange feeling for me, I'm used to leaving everything til the night before and trying to cram it all into my head. Now, I'm studying and trying to write my paper days earlier. I still wonder how I'm going to fit everything in but it's not bugging me. The one thing that is bugging me is the current state of my room. It looks like a hurricane hit it!!!! I just keep throwing stuff around and instead of landing in appropriate places it just lands in the middle of my floor or all over my bed. Cleaning is going to be a requirement before I start studying at all today...

*S

Again..

So, because I'm extremely original (but not really) I decided to blog.. again! Really I'm looking for any excuse possible to procrastinate. University is tough a world. All the midterms, papers, assignments. I'm ready to be shot in the foot. Following suit behind a few other people, I started this blog and figured I'd write a few lines to get it started. And now I must get back to a lovely paper on lovely hepatitis B.

*S